News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
FUCK WHALES
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
