I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
