I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
