New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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