Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
