garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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