your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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