i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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