omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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