Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Everything about him screamed your future.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
