I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
