Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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