I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
