im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
