I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
