just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
