no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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