i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
