I look better un-naked...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
