He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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