I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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