She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
