Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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