lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I can't put those talents on a resume
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
