NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
