Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
