people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
