I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
