She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
