I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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