wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
