I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
