Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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