You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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