i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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