the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
