I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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