PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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