Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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