Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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