either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
