I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
