He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
