he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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