he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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