Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
