I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
