you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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