I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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