He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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