Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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