She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
