Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
